Donk da donk donk donk
So I asked why and they said because Sasha is the name of their favorite actress. I immediately was like omg is he saying I resemble Sasha Grey? Well he was, so I asked other people if they saw it and they all agreed.
So when I straighten my hair I become Sasha Grey. Fangirling so hard right meow!
First day at work = success! Now to go home at 730 and get ready to do this all over again tomorrow. I’m about to have no social life.
Sometimes I really hate who I am as a person and the things I did growing up. I hate who I became and how I didn’t have model parents to raise me right. I hate how I always had to be so strong when in reality I’m the weakest person I know. I hate the way I think and see things. I’m trying to love myself and be more content with who I am on the inside and sometimes it’s just really hard. I work come home to nothing. Sleep. Work. And start the whole process over again. Nothing’s going I change with me having a new job just more money and less money stress. It won’t change my feelings or problems. It won’t change how lonely I am or how everytime I’m alone instead of masturbating or cleaning the house like a normal person, I cry. I cry because I’m lonely or because I feel rejected. I cry because maybe I’ve changed and I start to hate everyone and that makes them hate me. I cry because the people I care about the most, not all of them of course but some, don’t live near me and I miss them or want them back in my life. But when I try and talk to them and tell them how much they are missed they could give two fucks. The world is constantly changing people are constantly changing yet I’m stuck in the same place. Sometimes I feel like family really is all I’ve got left yet my parents are dopeheads and don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves, and my real dad didn’t even want to be in my life growing up. My sisters are so young that they’ve got their own thing going on, but I know they love and miss me. My grandparents are all I have left and I took advantage of the time I spend with them for years. Now all I want is their time. I want to hug them everyday and let them know how much I love and appreciate them. But I can’t..
I’m always getting rejected. Even if its over something small and stupid ill remember. I make mistakes too, I’m far from perfect but maybe I do the things I do to try and be happy and it backfires on me. I can’t make everyone around me happy if I can’t even be happy myself.
I don’t know the point in this text. I just needed a release. I used to actually use this blog as a diary but because of all the people that follow me I can’t, which I’m not complaining about I just needed to rant. But yea I guess all I can do is just continue trying to better myself. Until then I’m gonna cuddle boo and get ready for work…
Drama bomb. Ugh.
On a side note I’m learning line at work and idk how I feel about it. I think I kinda hate it? I just want my office job already :(
I was hoping waking up would be different today but no. I just realize I have no car, no money, no food, a shitty fucking job, and I don’t get to see my family over the holiday and I’m missing my sisters birthday. I can’t pay any of of my transfer fees or my pet deposit…. Not to mention fights at home and just dealing with all my anxiety and depression. Fuck my fucking life. I just need a break.. Some help.. Something… :(
Today was the worst possible day I could have had. I just want it all to end. I’ve got so many issues.. Sometimes I really wish I was religious so I could pray, but that isn’t an option. I need change. I need to be stable and not struggle so much. I wanna just sleep forever.